just cause

i could write a lot today..

like most days because I always have a lot to say.

but I’m not.

I’m going to hold my tongue, I’m going to let my graceful silence leave you stunned.

since you somehow think you’ve won.

i’m going to turn a new leaf,

not for you but for me.

this time it’s all mine,

and no, these aren’t just words,

it’s the declaration of my soul telling you what i deserve.

and that morphs every inch of me.

i’m emotional and that’s my super power,

i’ll tell you more right after i cleanse myself, rejuvenate my spirit and mind

in this lengthy but much needed anointed shower.

IMG_9435

 

My Soul Told On Me update:

HEY ALL! DON’T FORGET THAT MY MEMOIR RELEASE DATE IS COMING SOON!!! AS WELL AS, THE RELEASE OF MY COVER ART (sneak peek pic above)! I’VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD AND I CAN’T WAIT TO SHARE MY SOUL WITH ALL OF YOU!

 

I LOVE YOU!

Follow me on all social platforms with the handle:

@chantelleadanna ||© copyrighted 2018 ||besitos

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the outcome.

how come, we always seek an outcome?

I know for me, it’s because if I put something out into the universe I want to see want effect it’s made, almost instantly.

That could be the millenial in me, (always seeking that instant gratification).

But I’m learning over and over. and day by day that some of the most rewarding outcomes are birthed from patience.

and I’m also learning that the most meaningful and effective gestures are to do absolutely

nothing.

nothing.

that’s a challenge for me.

I always feel like I need to do something, like I didn’t get an outcome that I wanted because I didn’t try hard enough.

But lately I’ve found the beauty and peace in not trying.

I have also been questioning my state of complacency with regards to trying so hard.

I asked myself: “What if this whole time, I’ve kept myself complacent because of my fixation on persistently “trying”?

Sometimes not trying is trying.

What if I’ve received the opposite desired effects from always predicting, assuming and acting on the idea of what I thought a certain outcome to any given situation should look like?

WHAT THE HECK.

In the past, I think I’ve equated not trying with giving up but now it’s becoming more clear that that’s not necessarily what it means. In fact, most of the time that’s not the case. Because what is and what is supposed to be, comes oh so naturally, my darlings. Not necessarily without ANY effort whatsoever but without any added effort with the motive and intention behind it of “this is supposed to work and it’s supposed to work just like this.”

What if by trying, I’ve in fact hindered my own growth? my own progression?

and it seems, as though that that’s definitely what I’ve done.

I’ve questioned my adequacy so many times when it comes to love life and writer life. Is this who I’m supposed to be with?, Am I enough?, Am I too much? Am I really a writer, or in the end is this shit just going to blatantly suck?

The scary and unfortunate part is I don’t know for majority of those questions how the answers will come to fruition but I know they will eventually.

I didn’t try for a week in one aspect in my life, and I actually ended up getting the outcome I wanted. Now, that’s not to say that will happen every time but I believe I’ll benefit either way in the long run. If I don’t try and just let things happen, I’ll get an outcome that I need or want or both.

I can learn from it all.

I started reading this new book, you probably heard of it called:

The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck by Mark Mason

It’s teaching me more about this logical thinking and reacting concept opposed basing all I do, say think, and feel on emotions. It also highlighting how really choosing and prioritizing what to give a f**k about can be the result of how stressed or not stressed I am.

It’s perfect for me, because I overthink, and I think the worst almost all the time.

I don’t know what it is you struggle with but I challenge you for the week, to start, to starve that struggle.

For me, I deleted my IG app, I put my phone on DND, and I plan to refresh my memory on how to crochet later on this week.

On top of reading this book, and making it my new hobby, I just want to be in a space, (if I can help it), where what I’m putting out is being appreciated and reciprocated.

I deserve at least that. and so do you.

i’ll leave you with, don’t try. don’t look for an outcome. just let life happen because it’s in divine order.

don’t stress what you can’t control. and be selective with what you can control.

don’t expect outcomes, just be. just happen. just reasonably wait and see.

  • I love you, pray for me this week, and I’ll pray for you too.

IMG_9149 P.S. – MY SOUL TOLD ON ME, is so much closer than you think! My first memoir my first baby, I hope it’s all it should be for whoever it needs to be for.

© copyrighted 2018

Chapter 8 -ending

“I’m learning to appreciate loss. Anything that’s meant to journey with me, (technically), can’t leave me no matter how hard it tries. Forcing relationships equates to being STAGNANT and I can’t do that.”

Moving backwards never was an option.

The only thing I can do is move FORWARD, and hope I

 see. you. there.

 

MY BOOK IS ON THE WAY!

 

MY SOUL TOLD ON ME.

© copyrighted 2018

bare with me .

i’m not going to keep hiding behind my emotions.

i’m learning, slowly, how to fruitfully control them.

i can’t settle with “this is just how I am” as an excuse for how I let my emotions take over.

but im owning it. i’m meeting myself where i am. i’m forgiving myself over and over and over. I’m taking myself seriously but not too seriously.

i’m pairing and praying for harmonious balance.

im filling my voids with the better parts of me, deriving from everlasting joy.

© copyrighted 2018 || @chantelleadanna

Spoken Word

YES, it’s true!

I finally did it.

I spoke my piece.

I said, I shared, I expressed some of me, with the world verbally.

I never, ever, ever thought about spoken word until I found myself regularly recording what I had to say generally just to share it on my social media pages.

I don’t want to brag because I still have so much work to do but I am glad I did it. My level of comfortability is now stretching one mark at a time.

stronger..

wiser..

more divine..

It’s become apparent to me lately, that F E A R is an illusion.

All along, we know that ho we are. We carry the confidence, the durance, and the faith way before we result to doubt.

It’s not until we start to think of others.

and start to factor futile opinions.

and start valuing disapprovals, or negative feelings towards

what you already labeled as gold,

just based of off you, the one who holds.

The saying:

If you can think it, you can achieve it.”

has shown up much more frequently in my life as of late and I’m loving it.

My thoughts are wild but if I really want it,

I will get it, I will be it, I will achieve it all.

Do it for you, and watch Him see you right through.

I love you all so much. Thank you for allowing me to be so free with you every week.

My website, book release date, and more spoken word post are on the way.

Don’t forget to subscribe to this page too!

Have a fantastic day, no matter what obstacles seemingly get in your way!

IG: @chantelleadanna

Twitter: @chantelleadanna

© Copyrighted 2018

7-24-18

Hey Guys!

Thank you for visiting my page. I have been absolutely everywhere then the place I’m supposed to be it feels like, but I want to take time to tell you how much I love and appreciate you.

Whether I am talking to 1 or 30 individual(s) right now, I need to tell you that if anyone isn’t, I’m grateful for ya!

I haven’t had too much to say lately. I think I’ve been trying to formulate my feelings into actual words, words that can be understood.

I don’t care too much about what words wont be tolerated or perceived as acceptable because my feelings are what they are and I can’t suppress them for the convenience of another.

I hope my slight braveness inspires you.

I’ve been finding my pocket full of inspirations as well to get me through and I wish the same for you.

I’ve been sharing my poems verbally but I need work

I have been writing in a spotty pattern but I need to get much more serious

I have what it takes to be one of the greatest and versatile writers on this planet but I need to apply myself.

I am 23, and I am so much more than what you see, and even what you read.

my elevation. my climax. my daily routine are all awaiting my extra push to be the best that I can be.

 

Thank you for journeying with me.

 

Although I am here, there are so many more days where my heart is heavy and peace is seems everything short of timely.

 

© copyrighted 2018

forgive me

i’ve been moving slow.

no, this isn’t an excuse at all.

my drive for some reason has reluctantly been placed on hold.

there have been tragedies.

big and small, that have occurred in my life from May to July. and I’m still dealing with the inevitable question “why”.

just praying for stability because lately i’ve been near what seems like my last fall.

my heart is lasting, yes. my love is a cure, yes.

but for some reason I can’t wrap my mind around His timing, and when he decides when my dear loved ones must part from earth.

i still have a book to finalize, i still might go back to school. oh, I just met 23.

there’s just so much wrapped up in my twenties, and me thinking i would be able to effortlessly handle things,

got me looking like a damn fool.

i need balance. i need stability. i need guidance. i need to be more relaxed.

if this were left up to me, honest to God there’s no telling where the hell i’d be.

so i’ll leave you with this request, as i do my best to get it together.

pray for me. pray for me. pray for me.

i need my tune to get back in the rhythm of a deep, unbothered, fearless melody.

just like i used to be.

 

-Thank you for your patience in advance with my new found inconsistency. I promise i’m working on a better me.

 

I love you.

 

Sincerely, Telley

 

© Copyrighted 2018