† She Carries

“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform“.

Diane Mariechild

She: any female, all women, all young ladies, all young women and all girls.

Whichever term you prefer to use, the bottom line is that we carry a lot. I’m not going to preach nor lecture to you, but I am going to explain the power of this phrase and its relevance to me. It’s essential to me that everyone reading my blog can see where I am coming from in order to grasp the morals and values that I convey and how I got to where I am today. In the end, it all relates to my purpose and my ventures’.

She carries” has become the emblem of life.

It speaks to everything I’ve been through, go through and will go through on my journey.

From the second that I had to bury one of the only woman on this earth that I had a genuine, close, open, beautiful and loving connection with, I started to carry.“Carry” to the point where a lot of days I didn’t even see the point of life anymore. The thought of being with my grandmother in heaven started to feel more ideal right after losing her, because I didn’t know how I was going to carry on without her.

Question: What were you carrying?

Answer: Sadness, pain, hurt, confusion, hopelessness, hatred, and anger.

All these emotions that began to surface and that I spoke to no one about were the first steps to self-destruction and I didn’t even know it.

I didn’t know how to communicate nor did I want to express my feelings to anyone. Communication just wasn’t my thing, it was nothing personal, so I kept, cried, and thought to myself.

Throughout the years after losing my grandmother, I started high school and then college, where I was introduced to even more situations where I felt I was obligated to carry.

Myth: Strong people are immune to being hurt, especially women because they’re used to it. Or I’m strong enough to handle pain, so I deserve it.

Fact: The strongest people need the most support, comfort, and reassurance that they aren’t alone, especially women!

Starting off I was always referred to as the “sweetest girl” by everyone and then of course, (that was a problem for whatever reason) some people saw that as an opportunity to take advantage. Others saw it as an opportunity to cling to me and no matter what never let me go, (which was very few to the ones that sought to take advantage, as you can imagine).

Misconception: I was weak. I was a push over. She just can’t say no.

Again, I started to carry. I didn’t know how to address the misconceptions of me without turning it all around and becoming into a complete unlikeable and bitter person, so that’s what I did.

There was no balance.

There was no filter.

What you saw or heard, is exactly what you received but to the extreme.

There was no in-between, and I hadn’t noticed that about my self yet, so I kept going along thinking that I was protecting me and being me but in reality I was slowly losing me.

I started to shut down. I carried too much…

Things continued to spiral out of control in my life, and I had self-esteem issues amongst it all. I didn’t know how to handle it. The decision I should or shouldn’t make was literally at the toss of a coin.

“No Chántelle, you have to be strong, you can’t let them see you hurt, upset, mad nor lost”.

My emotions kept growing, I kept piling everything that I had to carry, and it was all harmful. Ugly people, ugly situations, irrational decisions, and dark energies were apart of me. And sadly, nothing that was beautiful, genuine, inspiring, nor comforting seemed to be me anymore. People were there one day, and gone the next. I lost two more of my close cousins within a year (in the midst of it all).

In turn, I was unintentionally hurting people because I was hurting. I shut out anyone that cared and it was all because I carried.

Words were exchanged, with no meaning behind them. Promises were made, then broken. All this baggage to carry and I wouldn’t let anyone get close to the root of it, so it stayed there.

Unbothered.

Untouched.

Just nesting, waiting for the right moment to permanently destroy ME! MY POTENTIAL!  MY SEED!  and MY TREASURE!

But long story short, that moment never came, and thankfully instead self-reflection, self-worth, and self-awareness did.

I realized that my life, my being, and my presence had significance and it should and would be appreciated because it has great value!

I made and make it a point to establish that I am a NURTURER, I am a CONQUEROR, I am UNIQUE, I am a BLESSING and I am a QUEEN!

“Women birth the world. If you give them anything they will take it and transform it into something wonderful, useful, and beneficial”.

Going forward opening my businesses, it is vital to me that each individual that is affiliated with my corporation in any way, shape or form has a clear understanding of this concept:

Despite all that she carries, carried and/or will carry, she will not self-destruct and she will not be consumed but she will overcome and she will excel. “At the right time the sweet fragrance of her life will fill the room, and she will be irresistible”. GOD knew what he was doing when he built this!

We carry the seed that blossoms into something beautiful in every aspect. And just because she carries so much, she deserves even more!

Are you allured yet?

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 Copyright © 2016

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