which way to go?
ha, no one knows..
the fear of making the wrong decision or even worse making the right one, which could set you up for greatness, is what I’m searching for.
well, “searching”, for lack of a better word for that niche.
that certain experience, person, smell, voice, or beam of radiance that immediately draws me in.
and I feel like I never know what to do.
everywhere I turn, there is something new happening.
I mean I know being innovative is the newly found culture of the millennials,
and it’s cool, but damn, it can be soo overwhelming.
the pressures to consistently reach for more and more,
can make it all seem unsure.
don’t get it twisted, there’s nothing wrong with constant improvement,
but there is something wrong with never savoring the moment.
time is time, and it’s the only thing that won’t always be there,
well, at least for us mortals, so why can’t we enjoy it?
being stuck in these 20 somethings, bruh,
its something else, lol, let me tell ya.
there isn’t really a wrong or right answer.
I’m always between being sure and knowing most things and being doubtful unsure and knowing absolutely nothing…
you are expected to be selfish but also expected to be considerate of those feelings around you.
you have so many options, so many emotions, so much time, and pressure
but it all comes at a price.
for me personally,
I have a hard time balancing my emotions, my thoughts, and my words, words that could possibly turn into actions.
actions that could possibly put me in jail or in a situation where I’ve lost everything.
see that’s the thing about being here,
I’m 22, still on my parents phone plan, still in their house, and I just always feel like I have so much but simultaneously nothing to lose.
if that isn’t scary and confusing to you,
then hell, I don’t know what is.
but I do know one thing.
It’s imperative for me to build and sustain my relationship with GOD over anyone else.
to make sure that I am completely happy with myself and let go of “grudges” (for lack of a better word) and memories which no longer serve or define me.
leaving the past in the past so I can reach my future that I’ve been pushing for,
for what seems like forever.
holding on, smh, holding on, is my weakness.
and in these 20 somethings if I don’t learn anything else,
I have to learn to be free and flaunt my uniqueness.
I can’t be drowned by others uncertainty, fairytales, instability and chaos.
but most importantly I can’t kill myself, with the events of my past
that were only meant to grow me, because at the end of the day,
I am my worst enemy.
I gotta serve me, effortlessly.
and just in case you were wondering where my head is at,
this is where I am currently…
Copyrighted © 2017