just cause

i could write a lot today..

like most days because I always have a lot to say.

but I’m not.

I’m going to hold my tongue, I’m going to let my graceful silence leave you stunned.

since you somehow think you’ve won.

i’m going to turn a new leaf,

not for you but for me.

this time it’s all mine,

and no, these aren’t just words,

it’s the declaration of my soul telling you what i deserve.

and that morphs every inch of me.

i’m emotional and that’s my super power,

i’ll tell you more right after i cleanse myself, rejuvenate my spirit and mind

in this lengthy but much needed anointed shower.

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My Soul Told On Me update:

HEY ALL! DON’T FORGET THAT MY MEMOIR RELEASE DATE IS COMING SOON!!! AS WELL AS, THE RELEASE OF MY COVER ART (sneak peek pic above)! I’VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD AND I CAN’T WAIT TO SHARE MY SOUL WITH ALL OF YOU!

 

I LOVE YOU!

Follow me on all social platforms with the handle:

@chantelleadanna ||© copyrighted 2018 ||besitos

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Shades

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“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”

-Oscar Wilde

“When people show you who they really are believe them the first time.”

-Maya Angelou

When you’re hurting, it is true that the truth, is the best medicine! 

Think of a time where you’ve ran into someone that you haven’t seen in a long time. What is one of the first things that they said to you:

  • “Hey, How are you?
  • “How have you been?”
  • “What’s new with you?”
  • ALL THE ABOVE

Now, tell me how you responded? … nope, wait actually, let me guess… you probably did one of these numbers:

  • Oh Hey, “I’m okay”

It practically rolls off of your tongue automatically.

Question: Is it because we really care? Or Is it because we know it’s the polite thing to say at that given moment?

The most common little white lie that I tell someone on a daily basis is : “Oh, I’m okay.” or worse “I’m good, don’t worry about me.” I crossed it out above because majority of us are walking around living a daily routined life that almost seems programmed and we’re shying away from real issues that affect us.

Question: Is that wrong?

My response: I don’t know. This is something I constantly ask myself and is another reason why I’m sharing it with you all. Although, I do know that in addition to the fact that it’s no one’s business how I really feel, I just don’t want to be a headache to anyone. It’s something I struggle with. I’m the most independent and emotional person you will ever meet, trust me.

“The furthest thing from perfect like everyone I know.”

-Drake

I know for me, I go day to day usually on the verge of tears (which I’ve mentioned), worry, and uncertainty of how things are going to turn out, why things are going the way they are now, and just when all my work and efforts of self-consciousness will pay off.

I have tears for different reasons of course, but still tears.

I actually just told my best friend the other day that I’m not sure if I know how to be genuinely happy anymore, which scares me.

It just seems like every time I get close to something/one I perceive to be real and genuine it never fails to prove me wrong.

I don’t know about you but I can only be disappointed about one time per person/situation before I’m over it.

I have a very, very short tolerance (something that I’m working on) but it’s still very prevalent.

In my opinion, these days people sort of live in a haze of bullshit. Everyone is walking around with shades on (literally and figuratively). These shades block them from reality and keep the bottled up in their little (Turn Up) utopia where everything is great and the actions they make don’t have consequences.

Then there are those people who “joke” a lot about the truth but swear they are playing or they weren’t serious about whatever they said.

Let me tell everyone something, real quick, I’m fed up with people putting up fronts period, let alone for you to put up that same front and the try to mask your true feelings or lighten up the mood with the words: “It was a joke”. No sir/ma’am, you are the joke, the joke’s on you because everyone (well at least me) sees right through you.

Stop using that as a cover up!!! I know you weren’t playing you were serious just own it. It’s shady. You’re childish. Stop being scary.

“The truth is told in jokes.”

-Romanian proverb

I’m not going to lie I wore a pair of those shades before. I was oblivious to how my actions and choices would affect my feelings in the long run but when I realized that no good came from shying away from the truth because it was always there. This is epiphany.

“The truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time but it ain’t goin’ away.”

-Elvis Presley

“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”

-Buddha

That’s how serious the force of truth is on the world and everyone takes it as a joke.

I’m still trying to figure out where the logic is in pretending to be happy when you’re not. Pretending to be okay when you really aren’t, if you need help then ask for it.

I don’t understand how people get mad when you speak the truth. Whether it is a traditional thing, or cultural thing and you’re told it’s not “your place” to say something, to me is beside the point.

It is an issue of pride and ego which I understand because I struggle with being purely vulnerable in many aspects of life but I have to face it and I’m learning that.

It isn’t healthy to avoid interactions with hurt or uncomfortable situations. Quite frankly, I can’t deal with the act people put on. (I know I’ve said this before but it’s so sad and I see it everywhere I just don’t understand how people can faithfully live lies).

In society today, looking at the bigger picture the constant sugar coating and ignorance towards issues such as depression, racism, child molestation in churches and in households, homosexuality, suicide, and mental illness is killing us as a people.

I urge everyone to reach that climax and hit your epiphany, if you haven’t already.

The shades will get old.

The shades will bind you.

The shades will make you weary.

Wearing shades when you’re facing your situation doesn’t make your problems or hurt any more acceptable or invisible but rather more noticeable and harmful.

“The only people mad at you for speaking the truth are those living a lie. Keep speaking it.”

“And for the record I’m not okay, but I will be.”

-Chántelle Agbro

BEWARE: I am not easily broken nor fooled!

 Copyright © 2016